It was my audition in Times Now, the TV news channel (yes! The echo-chamber of Arnab. The audition was for news anchoring.
I had a friend who helped me pitch my audition. She was somehow super-confident about my performance; probably even more than I was myself.
I reached the office in Lower Parel in Mumbai ..it looked like a humble entry what with a reasonably sized wooden door and an areca palm plant welcoming on its side.
Quite contrary to the entry, the reception was chaotic. People ran haywire giving the feel of a news house.
I was asked to wait till the time my friend went inside to call the BC – the bureau chief.
The camera rolled..take 1..cut..take 2..cut..take 3 cut! It was a hat-trick! I did not speak a word..my friend nervously walked up to me and said “hey what’s wrong…don’t ruin it please..there are people dying to sit where you’re sitting right now..”
I gave another take and as the Teleprompter rolled, I moved my lips and spoke..but I stammered, I fumbled and I ruined it!
When I was walking back with my friend we didn’t speak..she just said as if to console..”but you have a very good screen presence”..i felt sorry.. for her more than I felt for myself because she had to go back inside hiding her face..
8 tears since..I’ll tell you how l remember this small incidence very clearly..obviously one who gets embarrassed so badly would remember it but I have another reason..my diary..
Back home, I took out a diary and sat to analyse what really went wrong.. was the situation too intimidating? was it that I didn’t deserve to be there? Definitely not. I wrote a lot that afternoon and I concluded that a situation cannot define me..what happened has happened and the only solution is moving on..
It was writing it down in my journal that helped me move forward..a habit that I developed in school, lost in college and resumed after this episode..i get up and I write into my diary every single day since then..
That gift of this simple habit helped me sail through the times when I gave 20 more auditions in the next 15 days finally landing up in a national channel as a host called Care World TV with not very great TRPs but a great learning platform..the network that I made is still helping me..the gift helped me when I got married in a huge joint family of 20 people with a common kitchen, it helped when I was seeing someone very close battling through brain cancer and most important of all it makes me lead every single day ahead with a preparation, a mindset with balance!
My diary is a place where I speak to myself..i express gratitude and reiterate, I write down my worries, guilt and regrets..my diary is my altar ego and my best companion..and I make sure I keep it out of reach of my mum-in-law..:)
I highly suggest you to please embrace this habit and while it might not change your life but it would definitely keep things easy on your heart.